


It's just another downpour, don't let it get the best of you

by littlefandom



Series: We Can Talk About Everything [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Developing Relationship, Doctor Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Magnus Bane, Past Child Abuse, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Talking, Worried Magnus Bane, Writer Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 03:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefandom/pseuds/littlefandom
Summary: "Magnus curses himself for not noticing anything earlier, for not checking on him, when he was sensing something was indeed wrong. Alec is always there for him, not matter what, and Magnus messed up. He should have done something a lot sooner. Work be damned.But it doesn’t matter now. There will be time for blaming himself later. Right now, he needs to take care of his boyfriend."When Alec is having a hard time dealing with work, he refuses to talk to anyone. But Magnus is not giving up that easily. It's his turn to show the support for his boyfriend, when he finds out yet another thing about him.Or, Alec stands at the edge of a fall, but of course Magnus is there to catch him.





	It's just another downpour, don't let it get the best of you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> another part of this lovely AU, this time a bit more angsty and we're focusing more on Alec and his mental health here. I've always felt like we should see a bit more of Alec's struggles with his mental health on the show, so I'm going to focus on it in this series a bit, I hope you'll like it. Mostly hurt/comfort, but WARNING: there is a talk about depression here, all the other warnings are stated in the tags. 
> 
> Title from Imagnie Dragons' "Burn Out" 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

_“Magnus, I need your help.”_

Are the first words he hears when he picks up the phone. He’s just leaving the hospital. His shift extended again, but only two hours, so he’s not that tired. But Isabelle’s screaming and panicked voice isn’t helping his growing exhaustion.

“What is it, my dear Isabelle?” He asks calmly anyway.

He’s become great friends with his boyfriend’s siblings. They truly are interesting and sympathetic people. Just this kind of people you like to be around. He and Izzy has been talking a lot, sometimes he helps her with her studies, but today Magnus is sure it’s about something else. She wouldn’t sound so worried if this was just another exam.

“It’s about Alec.” Her reply comes a second later.

Magnus slightly tenses up. He and Alec are doing great, but this week has been pretty hard for the both of them. Magnus needed to stay late at the hospital almost every day, and Alec was working at this book nonstop, since the deadline is coming up.

With all that things, it resolved in them basically not seeing each other the whole week. They texted, and talked on the phone, but it’s not the same. And Magnus just misses him, so much. He’s grown so attached to Alexander in the recent months. He’s fallen for him. Deeply. And the feeling is mutual.

“Is something wrong?” Magnus asks after a moment, his stomach clenching with worry.

“I don’t really know.” Isabelle sighs, and it doesn’t give Magnus any reassurance. “I know he’s working, but he hasn’t been answering my calls today. I know he doesn’t like to be disturbed, but still, he could send just one text to let me know he’s okay.” She continues, voice filled with concern. “I wanted to check on him, but I have classes till late today. I’ll still come over, but I’m just worried-“

“Say no more.” Magnus gently interrupts her. “I’ve just finished work, and I was planning to visit him anyway. I’ll let you know what’s up.”

He’s been thinking about nothing more for the whole day. The thought of finally seeing Alec after almost a week, is what’s been keeping him going through his frantic shift. He really did miss him, and just can’t wait to have him back in his arms tonight.

“Thank you, Magnus.” Izzy sounds a bit more relieved, and before Magnus gets to interrupt her, that she doesn’t need to thank him for wanting to see his boyfriend, she adds. “I know you’ve had a hard week at the hospital and all, you’re probably tired-“

“Don’t worry.” He quickly says then. It’s been an exhausting week, but doesn’t change anything. “I've missed him too much, even if I was exhausted I would drag myself to his apartment tonight.”

Izzy chuckles lightly over the phone and then speaks again.

“All right.” She states. “I gotta go now, my class is starting.”

“Enjoy the power of medicine, my dear.”

Magnus ends the call after they quickly exchange goodbyes, and he heads straight to his car.

 

The road to Alec’s apartment has never felt this long. He tired calling him, but still, there was no answer, and it only increases Magnus’ worry. He actually feels kind of guilty for not checking on Alec earlier. They spoke over the phone yesterday, and he sounded strange, but Magnus decided to blame it on the late hour, and the exhaustion dripping from the both of them. Alec hasn’t really answered his good morning text today, but Magnus thought that he was just too busy. Maybe he read it all wrong.

He tries not to let the dark scenarios overtake his mind, as he finally parks the car and gets to Alec’s apartment building.

He quickly climbs the stares and knocks on the door, receiving no answer. Could Alec be out? He’s actually the last person to leave his home willingly. Without further hesitation Magnus searches his pocket for the key to Alec's apartment that he left him for emergencies. This for sure feels like one.

Swiftly unlocking the door, he lets himself in and his sight sweeps over the space of the flat.

The apartment isn’t much, but it’s a mess. The coffee table is littered with empty cups and pieces of paper, that are also flooding down the floor. But Magnus has no trouble with spotting his boyfriend. He’s lying on the couch, blanket wrapped tightly around his body and face buried in the back of the couch, so all Magnus can see is a tangle of his black, messy hair.

Well, this is rather concerning.

If few long strides, Magnus makes his way to the couch and then he’s kneeling to examine his boyfriend better.

“Hey, darling.” He whispers and gently runs a hand through Alec’s hair.

He stirs at the touch and then he’s turning to face him.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, truly surprised and Magnus finally gets to take in his face.

He looks exhausted. Dark bags under his eyes, which are red and bloodshed, hair a mess. Still, he’s beautiful, but he looks like he hasn’t been sleeping in days.

“You weren’t answering your phone.” Magnus explains, his hand still combing through his boyfriend’s dark locks. “Everyone has been worried. Isabelle called and texted you like a million times-“

“I just didn’t feel like talking to her.” Alec simply answers and turns, so he’s staring at the celling instead of Magnus.

The doctor frowns in confusion at Alec’s reaction. This doesn’t feel like him. He would always do everything for his siblings, he never wants to worry them. And it was only such a small thing as answering the phone.

“Did you argue about something?” Magnus asks then. It’s the only explanation he can think of, why Alec wouldn’t want to talk to his sister. But they never fight…

“No.” Alec shakes his head, still not looking at Magnus.

Something is wrong. And he needs to know it as soon as possible.

“I called you too.” Magnus tries. “You didn’t feel like talking to me either?”

Alec just sighs heavily, eyes still focused on some spot in front of him.

“I just assumed you were Isabelle.” He answers simply.

“Okay…” Magnus carries on, as the worry raises in his chest. “So why didn’t you open the door when I knocked?”

“Still thought it would be her.” Alec says then, and after few seconds continues. “I didn’t want to see anyone.”

That’s way more than concerning.

Magnus knows, that Alec is a loner type. That he prefers his space, and he likes being alone, but still this isn’t like him. Even when he doesn’t want to be disturbed, he wouldn’t make everyone worry so much for him. Wouldn’t just cut everything and everyone off, without a word. He would just send a text to anyone, or do anything to assure his family his okay.

But also a part of Magnus has been feeling that no matter how open Alec is with him, he’s still hiding some stuff. But he won’t push him to say anything. He wants him to be ready to share. He can wait. Just like Alec always does.

But it doesn’t mean he hasn’t had his suspicions. He knows how tough Alec’s childhood was. How his parents, but mostly his father treated him. Magnus knew it would leave some mark on Alec, and right now, he thinks it’s showing.

He’s a doctor, a surgeon, but he saw a lot. People dealing with aftermaths of such abuse as Alec was forced to bare. Depression is commonly caused by such things, and even though Alexander has never shown any symptoms of that illness, he for sure is now.

It’s not like he could choose for it to appear. And recently it’s been good. Great, even. Magnus could see how happy he was. How good they feel around each other, how they make each other happy. It was like all their worries just disappear when they’re around each other. But Alec’s work has been really consuming him recently, and it might have brought back some anxiety to him.

Magnus curses himself for not noticing anything earlier, for not checking on him, when he was sensing something was indeed wrong. Alec is always there for him, not matter what, and Magnus messed up. He should have done something a lot sooner. Work be damned.

But it doesn’t matter now. There will be time for blaming himself later. Right now, he needs to take care of his boyfriend.

“Hey.” He starts softly, placing his hand on Alec’s cheek to urge him to turn his head and look at him. But as soon as he succeeds at this task, Alec is closing his eyes and tugging at the blanket to put it over his face.

“You should go home.” Alec’s voice sounds muffled from the other side of the blanket. “I’m not too great to be around now.”

Magnus pulls the blanket lightly to reveal a bit of his lover’s face, but Alec’s eyes are still closed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asks then, and Alec’s eyes slowly flutter open as he exhales heavily. Then, he shifts to a sitting position on the couch, and Magnus takes a seat next to him. He smiles encouragingly, and takes his hands in his.

Alec still isn’t looking at him as he takes a few deep breathes. Then his gaze finally settles at Magnus, and he speaks.

“I haven’t been feeling too well recently.”

Magnus just nods lightly and holds his hands a bit tighter, giving him all the time he needs to pick back up again.

“Work hasn’t been too great.” He continues a bit later. “I just can’t seem to focus on anything, even writing, I just-, I don’t know. I feel tired, like all the time and I can’t find the strength to do literally anything.”

Magnus lets go of one of his hands only to wrap his arm around his shoulder and bring him closer, so Alec’s head is resting on his shoulder.

Alec just sighs, and gives no further intention to talk. But it’s enough for Magnus to know, and for his suspicions to confirm. And it doesn’t change anything. Doesn’t make Alec appear weak for him. If so, it only makes him stronger, that he’s somehow dealing with this.

“You really should go.” Alec says, which brings Magnus out of his thoughts. “It’ll pass, I just need some more rest. There’s no point for you to waste your time here-“

“Darling, no time with you is wasted.” Magnus states firmly and moves to cup his face, even when Alec is trying to look away.

“Even when I’m like this?” Alec questions with a disbelieving expression.

Magnus just smiles at him and creases his cheeks lightly, placing a soft kiss to his lips. And when they pull apart, the corners of Alec’s lips quirk slightly.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do.” Magnus starts then, still not letting go of his face. “You’re going to take a shower and put on the comfiest clothes you own, while I will clean up here a bit. Then I’ll order some food, and we can spend the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching some movies.” He sweeps hair out of Alec’s forehead. “How does that sound, huh?”

Alec leans into his palm as he begins to speak.

“Magnus, you really don’t need to-“

“Hush,” Magnus places his index finger onto Alec’s lips in an attempt to silence him. “I’m not leaving, I think I’ve established this already. And besides, I missed you. We barely saw each other this week.” He pecks Alec on the lips and then continues. “I’m really looking forward to spending an evening with you. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Alec exhales, smile widening a bit. “I missed you too.”

With that, he kisses him sweetly, and as Magnus kisses back he hopes it gives Alec at least a bit of the reassurance he craves. He’s not done talking about this, about him, but right now he needs to lift Alexander up a bit.

“Go take a shower, sweetheart.” Magnus says against his lips. “It might help a bit.”

“Okay.” Alec replies as he moves to get up of the couch. “Maybe I should just…” He starts to gather the papers from the table, but Magnus puts a hand on his forearm to stop him.

“Don’t worry I've got this.” He stands up alongside Alec and retrieves the papers from his hands. “Let me take care of you, okay?” He climbs on his tiptoes to place a kiss to Alec’s forehead.

His boyfriend just simply nods, and heads in the direction of the bedroom.

 

After about half of an hour, Magnus made the apartment look presentable again. Coffee table is now all cleaned up, the floor swept up, and all the dirty cups put in the dishwasher. He texted Isabelle that he’s with Alec, and that she doesn’t need to worry or come over later. He doesn’t want to overwhelm him, since Alec is clearly struggling with a lot now. He’s just called Alec’s favourite Mexican restaurant and their food should arrive soon. That’s when his boyfriend emerges from the bathroom.

He’s wearing an oversized, dark green hoodie, with the hood on, plus some black sweatpants. His hair is still dripping with water after the shower as he slumps down on the couch, already reaching for a blanket to cover himself with.

“Hello, handsome.” Magnus announces as he sits down next to him. Alec smiles at him and blushes slightly. It still amazes Magnus, how after all their time together Alec can still blush at a simple complement from him. “How are you feeling?”

“A bit better.” Alec exhales and nods.

“Good.” Magnus states. “I ordered food, it should be here soon.”

Alec nods again in acknowledgement and then Magnus opens his arms form him.

“Come here.” He says softly and his boyfriend smiles lightly.

They shift on the couch so Alec is lying on top of Magnus as he hugs him tightly to his chest, running a hand over his back, the other gently combing through his hair. Then Magnus stretches from the couch to reach for the remote.

“What do you want to watch?” He asks, turning on Netflix and dropping a kiss on top of Alec’s head.

“I don’t really know.” Alec resorts.

“You don’t have a comfort movie?” Magnus questions, hand still combing through his hair as Alec puts his chin on his chest to look up at him.

“A what?” There’s a hint of laugh in his voice.

“A movie that always makes you feel better,” Magnus explains simply. “that you watch and it makes you happy.”

Alec seems to think for a while, but then he just shakes his head and pouts lightly.

“No, I don’t think I have one.” He resorts. “What’s yours?”

“Oh, darling, there’s no sadness that a good musical can’t cure.”

Alec hums and they both smile as Magnus brushes some wet hair from his forehead.

“Just put on something you like.” Alec decides. “I’m sure it’ll make me feel better.”

 

So they watch “Singing in the rain”, “Grease” and as they’re half way through “Mamma Mia!”, the take out containers already empty on the coffee table, when Alec starts speaking, eyes still focused on the TV.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Magnus asks confused. He reaches for the remote to pause the movie before adding.  “What are you sorry for, angel?”

“Not answering your calls, or texts, making you all worry.” Alec reckons. “Sorry, that I dragged you all the way here, since you were so concerned, for being so weak and pathetic, for letting this overtake me again… I- I don’t know. There’s a lot of things-“

“Hey, stop.” Magnus states as he shakes his head. He sits up, so Alec is settled between his legs and they’re facing each other as he carries on. “Firstly, yes, we were all worried, but it’s fine now. You’re okay, that’s all that matters. Secondly, you didn’t drag me here. I wanted to be here. I missed you, and I couldn’t wait to see you basically for the whole week. The thought of seeing you is what had kept me going through work today.” He puts his palms on Alec’s cheeks. “And you’re not weak, Alexander. By all means, you’re not pathetic. You’re so freaking strong for dealing with this. You’re doing so great, angel. Really.” He sighs heavily. “I just wish I noticed something sooner, that I could somehow help you through all this-“

“I didn’t really want you to see me like this.” Alec starts. “It’s been good. Since we got together I haven’t felt like this. You are just so great, and everything has been going incredible. Everything has been good, and sometimes I just find myself wondering how long it will last, because there’s no way I get to have this for long. I don’t feel like I deserved all of this, like I deserve you.”

Tears are gathering up in his eyes as he speaks further, and Magnus wants to interrupt, say that it’s not true, but it seems that when Alec opens up, he just can’t stop talking. So Magnus lets him, taking the hold of his hands, and creasing soothing circles with his thumbs on the skin there.

“And I want this to last. _Us_ to last, I just… God, I want this so bad, and I’m so terrified of messing it up. I don’t know what would I do without you, right now. It should scare me how much I’ve got attached to you in these past months, but somehow… it just doesn’t. It feels like you’re the only steady thing in my life. The only thing that feels _right_. I… I don’t want to lose you. And with all _this_ , you would just think it’s too much. That _I’m_ too much. ”

“Alexander…” Magnus moves to cup his face. “I love you. So much. There’s nothing that will ever be able to change that. The way you have felt today, this whole thing… It’s okay. Just like you told me, it’s okay to break down sometimes. But when you do, I want to know. So I can be there for, so I can hold you and tell you that everything will be fine, because it will be, darling. You never need to hide from me. Angel, you deserve everything. You deserve the world and there’s no way that you’re losing me. No matter what we do, no matter what happens in the future, we’ll always figure it out. You’re not too much, you’re everything I ever wanted and more, everything I’ve ever needed and I didn’t quite believe I could have. You are the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.”

The tears are streaming down Alec's cheeks now, and as Magnus wipes them with the pads of his thumbs, he feels his own eyes glistening.

“And whenever something is wrong,” He continues regardless the lump forming in his throat. “you can tell me. Always. We can talk about everything. Remember that, okay?”

Alec nods and Magnus moves to hug him tightly. Alec buries his head into his chest and Magnus just holds him as he sobs into his shirt. He kisses the tops of his head, hands tightening around him, giving all the comfort he can offer.

“Thank you. You are the best thing that has happened to me too.” Alec says as he’s still leaning against him. “But I didn’t want to worry you. I know that you’ve had a hard time at work too-“

“Alexander,” Magnus pulls back to look at him with soft, but more serious expression. “forget my work, you’re far more important than that.”

Alec smiles lightly and nods again. Then Magnus leans in to kiss him, their lips moving softly against each other. Alec hooks his arms around Magnus’ neck to bring him closer. Even when their kiss ends, they stay like this. Holding each other close.

“I love you.” Alec says and pecks him on the lips lightly.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Soon Alec moves so he’s body is half draped over Magnus’, the other half back on the couch. They continue to watch the movie, but not long later Magnus feels that his boyfriend is close to falling asleep. He doesn’t mind. After the whole week they’ve just had and today, he really needs Alec close. So he throws his arm around his middle and is ready for sleep to overtake him, but then Alec’s sleepy voice is stopping him.

“Shit, it’s getting late.” He moves up to sit on the couch. “You really should get home. Your shift starts at seven tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah.” Magnus confirms, putting his hands on Alec’s thigh and rubbing it lightly, already missing the warmth of his body next to him. “But don’t worry about it. I can stay.”

“No, Magnus. The hospital is literally at the other side of the town. You should go home, get some sleep. It’s way closer from your loft than from here.”

“Okay,” Magnus states softly. “Maybe let’s not focus on what I should do, but what I want to do, all right? And I want to spend the night with my amazing boyfriend and cuddle the hell out of him.”

Alec chuckles and places his hand on top of Magnus’ on his thigh.

“Unless you really want me to go, if you want some space or anything-“ No matter how much he doesn’t want to leave Alexander tonight, he still gives him an option, in case he finds Magnus’ presence overwhelming.

“No! No, I want you to stay.” Alec cuts in before he even gets to finish. “I just don’t want to cause any trouble for you-“

“Don’t worry. You don’t.” Magnus assures without hesitation. “All I need tonight, is to have you close.”

“I’d like that too.” Alec nods and intertwines their fingers. “But let’s move to the bedroom. I don’t want to listen to you complaining of how much your back hurts tomorrow.”

They both laugh lightly as Magnus moves to get up.

“It’s not my fault you have an extremely uncomfortable couch.” He did learn it the hard way, but waking up to Alec’s smiling face has been enough of a reward for the aching back.

“I should really get a new one, huh?” Alec asks as he leads them to the bedroom.

“We can always use mine.” Magnus kisses his cheek, wrapping an arm around his waist on their way to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a kudo and a comment if you enjoed it, and always feel free to request more stories in this universe! You can catch me on twitter [littlefandom4](https://twitter.com/littlefandom4) and tumblr [little-fandom](http://little-fandom.tumblr.com) :)


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